A long time ago, I had a point in my life when I got bullied by the people whom I thought were the people I can call my family. They would do it subtly, mean and cruel words, snide remarks, a back stab here and there. I used to be this happy person who loves life and have confidence about myself. But I had a problem before that I needed to move out and I got nowhere else to go, and my long distance gf offered that I can stay with her and her family. But I have to pretend that we are not lovers but long time friends, old school mate. Her willingness to help in my dire time of need I didn't think much of it.
The first few weeks turned to months, I have abstain myself from acting out as her lover, I sometimes forget and will call her baby, since I have been used to it for the last 2 years we were online couple. It was later on I accidentally read one of her emails to her friends, she had a habit of not logging out and using my computer. I don't have the habit of reading someone's private stuff anyway so she trust me that I won't but, curiosity got the best of me one time when I saw my name on the subject line. It was then I discovered that the whole 2 years of our life together was a sham. She was just using me. She said she loathe my presence and that she was glad we sleep in separate beds since she finds me disgusting, ugly and fat. That she was just using me to buy stuff for her and her family. I was naive and stupid that for me I am getting them things in the kindness of my heart since I have come to love them as my own family. I even call her mom, mom.
She left and had to work somewhere else. I was left with her mom and gay brother. A brother who sneaks in a teenager in the garage and fool around. I was trying to be friends with him and didn't tell on him. I would buy them stuff, do groceries, even though I still pay rent and pay for some of their utilities. They're addicted gamblers, and I would give them gambling money.
After a time, the boy toy needed a place to stay, so he got the room next time. So being a teenager he would friends over and they would go drinking and get loud and rowdy, naturally mom didn't want them partying inside the house, so they would party next to my window and wouldn't care if it was 3 am and someone needed to sleep. I got fed up one time and told them to please party somewhere else. The boy toy left. And it was made to be my fault because I didn't have the right to tell them to be quiet.
Every day, they would torture me by slamming the front door that was adjacent to my room, talk loudly and slams doors all over the place. They would make nasty remarks even if I knew very well that it wasn't really my fault that I didn't yell at the boy but just told him nicely that if he can move their partying away from my window.
The days turned to weeks. I cannot stand it much longer since I am so alone. My gf called. She was surprised to hear I was moving out. I didn't tell her I read her mail, I didn't tell her her family is bullying me. I just said I got my old job back and thanked her graciously for her kindness.
I beg my old employer if I can have my old job back. I decided to move out. I didn't say anything. I even apologized to them for being so rude to drive the boy away. That I thank them for being so gracious enough to offer me their home and I know I must be a difficult burden to them.
But there was a time, when I walk out of that house, after her brother had bluntly called me something nasty. I sat on the bench near the bus stop, contemplating in walking in front of the bus and end it all. I was so down and feeling so alone, I wanted to kill myself. And a good friend of mine from another state called, and cheered me up. I didn't tell her I was about to kill myself before she called, we've been friends for years and yet we never met, if she had known what I was about to do that time, she would have fainted.
I keep this locket as a reminder once in my life, I had kept all my emotions locked up and inside until it started to eat at me and swallow me whole. If it wasn't for that call, I would have succumbed darkness and let it consume me.
I humbled myself. My gf, or ex gf never knew the secrets I found out, and I never tell her how horrible her family had been and how horrible she had been to me. I gave them a false address, they would still call, thinking they can still reel me in again to be their lap dog. But most of the time I let it switch to voice mail.
I locked myself in this tiny prison, keeping all my emotions locked away, whispered only to my heart. I open my mouth and let out a silent scream. Darkness consumed me and devoured me. I tried to swim in this muck I called my life. Until you came along and pry open the lock, and set me free. I owe you my freedom, my second life, though I never did take my life, but a part of me had died, and you resurrected me. Thank you, for everything, for me, the new me and the future me to come. Once I was locked up and now free again....